The Antlers - 'Kettering'
I wish that I had known in /That first minute we met/The unpayable debt /That I owed you
Because you'd been abused /By the bone that refused you/And you hired me/To make up for that
And walking in that room /When you had tubes in your arms/Those singing morphine alarms /Out of tune
They had you sleeping and eating /And I didn't believe them/When they called you /A hurricane thundercloud
When I was checking vitals/I suggested a smile/You didn't talk for a while /You were freezing
You said you hated my tone/It made you feel so alone/So you told me /I had to be leaving
But something kept me standing /By that hospital bed/I should have quit but instead/I took care of you
You made me sleep all uneven/And I didn't believe them/When they told me that there/Was no saving you
The album 'Hospice' tells an explicit story in first and second person narrative, of a man meeting a depressed and abusive bone cancer patient in the Sloan Kettering Cancer Ward where he is working, falling in love, and eventually watching her die while he is beside her. Memories, regret and grief recur throughout the album making it a real moving experience to listen to. This song clearly reflects the situation that is being described here at Kettering, the cancer ward. The song shows emotion of denial and grief, telling his lover that he owed her an unpayable debt, something that he couldn't do anything about but accept. He talks about seeing her in the hospital with morphine drips in her arms for the pain that she's going through. Through the climaxing lines he questions himself as to why he stood by the bed for so long until the end even though that being there wouldn't change anything that was going to happen. Denial is raised through the fact that he can't actually believe that there is no cure and that the only solution to end the pain would be the death of her.
